losingloveLo~veleen and I have been together for almost 13 years. As a couple, we have become a foundation for many people, showing the way for what a truly great relationship can be. It’s very possible now that we will separate and if so, for me it is not unlike losing a loved one to death.

I’m pretty certain I know Love~leen better than anyone else on Earth. Like everyone, she has her shortcomings, but I don’t know if anyone reading this really knows the profound beauty of her spirit like I do or can even imagine the significance of what losing her would be like for me.

Sometimes she is known as Love. When people hear her name is Love, without exception, everyone recognizes the bigger truth of this. She is Love, walking incarnate. If you’ve ever walked into her world, you will find a beauty of a transcendent nature – a room lit up with well-placed candles, freshly cut flowers, incense, and magic. Lovele~en is the original. Her Native American spirit comes alive in her intimate relationship with the natural world that surrounds her.

Just as I was born with a calling, L~oveleen too was born with a calling. She feels the call of motherhood and whether or not this ever happens, she has to be true to herself as well.

What we are experiencing is not the result of any tension or fighting. We are deeply and madly in love with one another. What we are experiencing is what unfolds when two people are both true to themselves, at the cost of whatever may fall in doing so.

My time with her has been sublime and if I could go back and loop it all over again, you better believe I would do it. My life has been so blessed and to knowingly let her go is the greatest of sacrifices. The choice to have a child with Lovel~een is no less than a Divine choice. What an extraordinary life that would be.

But all I know is that our rivers are running dry, our animals are being slaughtered, our Earth is overheating, our brothers and sisters are dying of starvation, damaging and killing one another. Our species has lost its way. I can’t pretend that I have any answers or that I am not as screwed up as everyone else. But I can’t put a cap on my capability of trying to bring healing in a greater way.

What is the reality of losing Lov~eleen? It leaves my spirit deflated and crushed and as much as I’d like to make a difference, I don’t know whether I’ll be able to reinvent myself or will go into full retreat, perhaps ending up a very sad and lonely person. But I can’t make my decisions out of fear.

This last weekend, I came to terms with the greater potential of our separation. It brought many tears and felt like something sacred was being ripped out my world. Along with this extraordinary loss come the very human fears and frailties, like my delicate pride and the betrayal of seeing my wife with someone else.

My feelings travel all over. At its best, we will both be freed to reach our heights. At its worst, I wish that my world could come to an end right now. If it did, I’d like to be first in line to be reborn as Love’s child.

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